Got Beef?

Wanstead’s Gastro Pub enthusiasts we’re left hungry after the chain failed to deliver slabs of leather on the much celebrated ‘Steak Night’.

The problem was down to supplier issues, not enough bovines available to fill the 900 strong chain demand.

Wetherspoon did offer chicken as an alternative and Wanstead and Rum can confirm that it is just as chewy as the Beef offering.

Wanstead and Rum provided a public duty and visited The George on the High Street to do some investigation.

First we spoke with Fred, 45, who was in his work attire straight from the building site and looking to fill his hunger pains with the £7 for a steak and a pint deal.

“Well it’s just not on like! Work my body to the bone today I have and was really looking forward to a steak with chips. I would probably leave the peas mind. Who wants bloody chicken on a steak night too! I’m not having it.”

When asked why he was still here and had not popped over to BBQ Express or the newly fronted Wanstead Kebab House, he replied.

“Well at £2.35 a pint of beer, I’m not giving my seat up. I’ll just have some beef crisps to get me through.”

We spoke to the management regarding the crisis.

John, 19, the shift manager had this comment:

“We are really upset at the situation, we will have steaks tomorrow.”

After a stroll up the High Street for some Fois Gras and Cote de Boeuf at Provender, we stopped a couple of locals for comment.

Sharon, 22, was on her way The George and we broke the news to her.

“Well I’m going to pop in and see if they have some, you never know. And I thought Wanstead had cows roaming the streets!? Can they not just use them?”

We are not sure what Sharon ended up eating, but we really enjoyed our steak.

Were you affected? Let us know in the comments.

M&S update

Well well well.. Wanstead’s favourite fake news site continues to promise Wanstead an M&S food and what’s more exciting is that it will be before the end of the month. The month has not been determined and the wool has been pulled over our eyes as January only has 9 more days left and there is no sign a a Percy Pig builder in sight!

We all know the truth, we were all set to have an M&S before the end of 2017 and it was on course. However the Wanstead mafia, which includes our friends at the worlds favourite Wanstead Blog, put a stop to it because they objected to an illuminated sign with the letters ‘M&S’ lighting up the High Street like Blackpool!

The issue is, they took it too far and so M&S have bailed.. now the Wanstead Mafia are desperately trying to lure M&S back and make out to the unsuspecting residents of Wanstead that they have ‘made’ it happen.

It WAS happening before those stuck in the 1800’s (and probably born) decided to get all political with no input from regular residents. M&S are not even advertising for staff for the fabled store which is another indication that it is NOT happening any time soon.

There are lessons to be learnt here, however unless the normal folk of Wanstead stand up to the mafia and ask for consultation on matters, we are afraid that this will happen again and again…

Remember, the Wanstead Mafia are all for local shops for local people.. that is unless a chain like Gail’s, The Ginger Pig or M&S are involved and there is money to be made (remember Gail’s splattered all over Wanstead’s favourite Bakery Blog… that was not done as a gesture of good will..).

So, do you want to make a change? Should we have a panel with regular people of Wanstead decide on important matters of signage, the type of establishment we want? Yes you do! Would you rather have an empty unit on the High Street or an actual business providing jobs for local people? We would like your say below.

EXCLUSIVE

Whilst advising you fine folk of the underlying problem, this has just come in from M&S:

Free (Plastic) Straws

You are probably all aware that the people with nothing better to do are trying to rid Wanstead of plastic straws. I mean this was front page news on the Standard! Clearly celebrities had a day off from flashing a boob or something similar.

Wanstead’s favourite Straw Blog is reporting on local business that have signed up to the scheme and are encouraging more, giving them a hefty pat on the back for doing so.We at Wanstead and Rum Towers have an issue with this.. Firstly plastic straws are only a problem for the environment if you choose to dispose of them irresponsibly. The sensible people would either recycle them or shred them to avoid them from getting stuck up a Sea Turtle nose, what are they snorting through them!?!Secondly children… no straws means a disaster when going for luncheon with ones children. Juice everywhere! Paper straws go soggy resulting in upset children.Thirdly, our friends over at Wanstead’s Favourite Community Blog think paper straws are the answer..We fail to see this. Already we can see that Wanstead’s Favourite Tree Blog is taking matters into their own hands and are felling trees in order to keep up demand for paper straws!This upsets us. At Wanstead and Rum we love a bit of tree hugging and the more paper straws then the fewer trees we will have lining our streets.So to combat this Wanstead and Rum have come up with the campaign “Save the Trees, free plastic straws for all!’ Wanstead and Rum have ordered a container of straws from China which should be here by the weekend. We will be on the High Street handing these out FREE of charge to the lovely people of Wanstead. We will also be supplying all of the paper straw outlets with a supply that they can give to customers who wish to use plastic over paper, all under the counter of course.You have a choice people of Wanstead. Remember, switching to paper straws only moves the problem. Be sensible and recycle the straws, think of the Sea Turtles and their addictions!

Sign of the times

Happy New Year!

2018 is clearly the year of the sign in Wanstead, and Wanstead’s Kebab House is the latest commercial venue to remove it’s sign in preparation for a new one.

Wanstead Society members were dribbling with anticipation as they looked forward to “Kebabaria” elegantly sketched in light caligraphy, the crackled goose grey letters complemented by a Farrow and Ball duck egg blue background.

It was not to be, as the Kebab House’s proprietor was just having a little joke, as he put exactly the same sign back up again. Environmentalists will no-doubt be over-the-moon with this land-fill-loving approach.

Wanstead and Rum takes a pro-kebab stance generally, as it considers it self to be fairly liberal when it comes to eating habits and Wanstead’s single kebab house offers a cuisine not seen elsewhere on the high street.  The Rum recommends the Chicken Shish.  Fluffy white pitta, lightly grilled medallions of chicken tikka, a sprinkle of salad, a dash of garlic sauce and garnished with four pickled chills. Voila! It’s to die for, and very similar to a recipe that can be found Nigella’s Christmas Cock-Book.

Which reminds me, this author once met a lover in a kebab house. Mario (of Kashmiri Spice, Manchester) couldn’t keep his eyes of me as he shaved the dribbling sides of his pork sword in to my clammy naan.

We digress…

Wanstead and Rum is pushing for the compulsory purchase half the coffee shops and nail bars, and these leases be let out to businessman from other areas of London who run high quality kebab based establishments so that we can promote this under-represented cuisine on our high street.  The little piles of vomit on the pavements of our village are a small price to pay.

To show that we are both passionate and lacking of understand of how the political system works, we’ve decided to force through our proposals through the use of a strongly worded letter and a page of signatures.  To show your support please sign below.  If we all put our best foot forward, we could make a minor difference by 2025!

Ed: We’d like to apologise for the quality of this post.  Here at Wanstead and Rum, we’ve got a bit of post-Christmas depression, and the alcohol that used to get our creative juices going has been banned until February.  We’ll endeavour to keep on top of it, but we may need to revert to the trimmed bush puns that we promised to cancel a couple of months ago.

Christmas Tree Collection

Today Wanstead’s Favourite Tree Blog reported two stories about Trees.

We at Wanstead and Rum would like to clear up a couple of things as they are publishing fake news.

Firstly the post about snapped trees on St Mary’s Drive… Those trees have been professionally cut down which is obvious from the images..

Secondly is about the Christmas Tree Amnesty from Redbridge Council.

Wanstead’s favourite fake news blog has reported that Redbridge Council have ‘Re-instated’ kerb side Christmas Tree Collection as part of the U-Turn from Redbridge to scrap the Garden Waste collection scheme from last year..

THIS IS NOT TRUE! Redbridge NEVER took away the Christmas Tree collection! See here for the original report from Redbridge on the (now cancelled) scheme: https://www.redbridge.gov.uk/redbridge-news/green-garden-waste-collections-are-changing/

The part you want to read is this:

Screen Shot 2018-01-05 at 15.21.48.png

We at Wanstead and Rum are annoyed by this. Publishing fake news in order to get hits on the website which leads to monetisation is greed. Wanstead and Rum will never host adverts nor ask you to sell your soul to the devil to only buy from retailers by clicking though our site.

We will be contacting Redbridge Council to advise them of the fake news posted.

Don’t worry folks, we will be back to the satirical posts very soon.

New Croissant

‘Nice’ to see a new shop front on the high street!

Well done to Nice Croissant for sprucing up the High Street with the new shop front and new ovens to provide Wanstead with the best LOCAL patisserie delights.

As predicted on our Twittor and Face Funk Account however, Wanstead’s best local business blog has had a half arsed attempt at congratulating them with a a picture of the shop in the dark… because they are sponsored by Gail’s

Wanstead and Rum however will be at Nice Croissant just as much now!

Did you deserve to be in Wanstead this Christmas?

Here at Wanstead and Rum HQ, we took our Christmas preparations terribly seriously.  We allowed ourselves a generous preparation budget, and Rum Towers is looking absolutely spiffing with it’s top-of-the-range decorations, and carefully wrapped gifts of significant financial value.

We noticed that Wanstead’s Favourite Quiz Blog has put a simple quiz up recently and instead of a quiz, we thought we’d have a survey to allow you to judge whether you really belong here in Wanstead.

What kind of tree do you have?

A)  8 ft tall Norwegian Pine bought from the high street for 80 quid after insisting that multiple trees were unwrapped for careful inspection of thickness of foliage.  All decorations have some family connection, with 50% being home made.  Sprinkled in soft glow lights from John Lewis.  No chocolates, advent is a time to prepare for the coming of Christ The Lord.

B)  5 ft Swedish Pine from Ikea after joining the rush on a Saturday morning at 9am, with accompanying chocolates.  The trunk isn’t quite straight but you’ve attempted to deal with the situation but hacking the base with a saw so that it leans in the opposite direction at the bottom.  Decorations are wooden, came in a multi-pack from Debenhams in the sale last January.

C)  4 ft plastic tree, bought from Woolworths in the late nineties.  Just about fits in the box which spends most of it’s like in the loft containing its load with the assistance of parcel tape.  Lights are multi-coloured and flash.  Chocolates from the pound shop, and some of them are from last year and have gone a bit white in their packaging.

How have you bought your gifts?

A)  After multiple trips to Oxford Street, each gift has been carefully selected from a boutique retailer in Selfridges.  Wrapping has crisp folds and bows are ties carefully with the ends cut at an angle.

B)  Amazon Prime is the saviour of Christmas, with purchases being left until the last possible moment, confident in the promise of next-day-delivery.  Neighbourhood-shuffles happen after dark where packages are re-distributed to the correct people on the road.  Gifts are wrapped in a fairly slap dash way using whatever paper happens to be in the draw.  Bows and ribbons do not feature

C)  Gifting is an afterthought dealt with on Christmas morning, where things from around the house are wrapped up in newspaper.  This year, your nephew Alfie got half a pint of warm bitter than you walked home from The George with on Christmas Eve.  Some of the smaller children will get plastic toys from Poundland which thankfully you didn’t remember to get batteries for.

How did you fund your Christmas?

A)  Popped it on the Gold Amex darling, and partner deals with the rest.  Apparently the Avios are terribly handy, or something,

B)  Popped it on the Barclaycard, but winced with every purchase, praying that you’d not hit your limit.  Can’t sleep at night in the knowledge of the bill expected in Mid January.

C)  Sold smack in November and performed a small amount of Burglary and light shop lifting in December to keep yourself in the black.  Have been rejected for all forms of credit since missing HP repayments on DFS three piece suite bought in 1991

What did you do on Christmas Day?

A)  Roasted ninety quids worth of Ginger Piggery Turkey to perfection while wearing a M&S Christmas jumper and sipping a port.  Dashed out for Church mid-morning and returned to turn the oven up for the roasties.  Handled everything in stride, did not highlight the Brexit voter to the rest of the gathering during dinner.  Opened family presents in the afternoon before heading off for a stroll around the park.  Had the kids in bed by seven, popped the telly on for 40 minutes of call-the-midwife and didn’t throw up or scream at the pommy accents.

B)  Awoke at 5am by 9-year old demanding to know whether he could go downstairs to unwrap his Nintendo Switch.  No he couldn’t.  Awoke at 5:30am by 9-year old demanding to know whether he could go downstairs and unwrap his Nintendo Switch.  No he couldn’t.  Awoke at 6am by 9 year old demanding to know whether he could go downstairs and unwrap his Nintendo Switch.  Retrieved Nintendo switch from downstairs, threw at 9 year old while muttering expletives in a low tone, stumped toe on bathroom door, yelped, and woke up youngest daughter.

Went downstairs with family, opened all presents very quickly in one big go.  Got shitty with partner for trying to take photographs before you had showered.   Burnt Tesco Finest turkey to a crisp, but partner said it was lovely while children scowled their way through cremated pigs-in-blankets.  Children spend all afternoon on computer games, or fighting.  Eventually wrestled them to bed at 8, before putting Clockwork Orange on the TV in the evening to make you feel better about yourself.

C)  Woke early, came downstairs to find kids had already opened their present, discarded it, and were watching CBBC.  Thought about putting Aldi battery chicken in oven, but had a Tenants Super to pick you up instead.  Sat on sofa and watched back-to-back Christmas TV.  During low point, put Only Fools and Horses on Dave.  Social Services pop around in the early afternoon and deliver hot food for children.  Pass out somewhere around 8, to be woken up by Pommy Nurse offering gas-and-air.  Turns out to be Miranda Hart, throw Tenants Super at TV.

What are your ambitions for 2018?

A) Hope to run small boutique on high street to keep oneself occupied.  Will sell individual arts and crafts, hopefully breaking even, but frankly that doesn’t really matter.  May stock artisan nibbles for preferred customers.

B)  Attending one of Wanstead’s Churches all year and collecting appropriate amount of god-stamps to get child in to local critically acclaimed primary school.  Pray or Pay and you’ve googled Forest School’s fees.

C)  Maintain Alcoholism and Job concurrently.  Avoid social services taking the Children.

So,  How did you get on?

Mainly A’s – You are Old Wanstead.  You will be here until the day you die, when your children will dance around in the money they got when they sold your house.

Mainly B’s – You are New Wanstead.  You have a mortgage you can’t really afford, a stressful job, awkward kids, you are pretty tired most of the time.

Mainly C’s – You are not from around here and you have stumbled on this website by mistake.  Off you toddle.

Let us know how your Christmas went in the comments below!

 

Wanstead Snow Pics

As Wanstead’s favourite Snow Photo blog posted some stunning images of the white stuff today we, at Wanstead and Rum towers, thought we should share the best of the ones our community members took and forwarded to us.

First up is Harold from Redbridge Lane West. Here Harold has taken a beautiful photo of the Snow at it’s best at the crossing near The George:

Then we have Mary from Nightingale Lane with an amazing composition of Snow mixed with Salt outside of the Tube Station:

Simon who lives above the shops on the High Street (not sure which one), has taken an outstanding snap to show the depth of Snow we received. This is Wanstead and Rums personal favourite:

Keith on his way back from Stratford, once the central line was operating again, got this sign at Leytonstone Station which was almost covered by the blizzard we saw on Sunday. Thank goodness for GPS otherwise the Tube drivers would get lost!

Then Kathy from Oak Hall Court managed to get a great shot to show why the tubes were unable to run:

Geoffrey from just off The Green managed to stumble across this beauty on The Green:

Great work guys and thanks for submitting the shots!

Two new supermarkets

Well well well….

Today, Wanstead’s favourite supermarket blog revealed that M&S is possibly, maybe still opening in Wanstead in January, possibly, maybe.

But, as exclusively revealed by Wanstead and Rum only days ago, Sainsburys have now also confirmed that they are opening in January in Wanstead.

So, with Co-op, Tesco, M&S, Sainsburys and not to forget about Global Food and Wine, us Wanstead folk are certainly going to be spoilt for choice.

Wanstead and Rum are going to be busy finding the best deals in Wanstead for our everyday essentials!

No doubt the local Upper Middle Class will be straight out to get the M&S bags for life and parading them up and down the High Street, proving their wealth. It also won’t be long before the same crowd forget the existence of the other outlets and only mention M&S as if we have had it for decades.

As for Two dine for £10, we understand that the delay for the store opening wasn’t only based on the proposed Signage which the Wanstead Conservation Dictatorship objected against, but that the same group do not want the Meal Deal! It is a decision made to deter those who are not as well off as the rest of them.

So, M&S will be opening at the end of January, however those of us that sit in the lower middle class category are going to be disappointed.

Conveniently though, it is next door to the George where two can dine for £7 anyway.

However, to sign off Wanstead and Rum would like to congratulate Sainsburys on bringing more variety to the High Street! Just please make sure you follow the signage rules.

Superdrug is here!

Wanstead and Rum exclusive this morning, Superdrug will be opening in the next couple of weeks in the old HSBC building.

The Rimmel London and all the shower gel you can buy for £1 stands are in and the refit is almost complete.

This is bad news for the Oxygen and open air museums on the High Street and and other potential Hipster business, however if it is going to save us a trip to Stressfield then it’s good for Wanstead and Rum.

In other news, Sainsburys may be taking over the previous soon to be an M&S next door to the George and Wanstead’s best Indian.

Just need the KFC, Subway and Paddy Power then we are almost complete.