The bikes are coming! *Update*

It’s now official, 2nd March 2018 will see the cyclist Terrorists hit the High Street!

News ‘going around’ today that Wanstead is about to become the new China.

John Howard who is neither related to Ron or is the Australian Prime Minister, has posted on Twatter that #Wanstead might be getting a cycling scheme.

This begs many many questions.

Firstly, why had Sadiq Khan’t not simply extended the Santander scheme to Wanstead?

Well the answer is simple… those green cycle lights are classified as illuminated signage and are not Conservation Society approved and Santander have already left Wanstead.

Then, why not the middle class Brompton option, Leytonstone has one and the are much poorer than Wanstead folk?

Well, because Leytonstone has one that’s why. The decision was made not to have the same option as the 3rd world.

So, why Ofo?

Simple.. it’s all about back handers down the pub. Ofo are branching out and saw an opportunity albeit it with the help of some money that a councillor may or may not have lost down the back of a seat in The George.

What do we at Wanstead and Rum think?

Well our friends at Wanstead’s favourite cycling blog will no doubt answer all our questions, because no one else is allowed an opinion unless it’s theirs. They will tell us how this is exciting and how they will campaign to pedestrianise the High Street and show us how to make cycling helmets out of plastic straws. They will then tell us this is good for the environment. But they will then follow this up with the fact the bikes are not Brompton’s or the fact the colours are not in the Wansteadium Farrow and Ball palette.

The reality is we are now going to be subjected to middle class warfare on the High Street with people who do not know how to ride a bloody bike.

The High Street is not long, you can walk it… you also cannot cycle in the Park… The users will terrorise pedestrians by cycling on the pavements and will be allowed because they are better than you and you should move out of their bloody way!

We hope Free cycling lessons will come with the scheme. But here at Wanstead and Rum we really hope that we do not have these cycles cluttering up the High Street like some sort of middle class art abomination. We hope silly campaigns are resisted from Wanstead’s bored retired folk. We hope that if you want a bike to whizz around Wanstead that you just goto the local bike shop next to the old Santander and buy one.

But all that said, let’s see what Wansteadium tell us what we have to do and accept.

What do you think? Leave us a comment below.

1 thought on “The bikes are coming! *Update*”

  1. I think it’s a wonderful thing!
    I paid nearly a tenner this morning to park and buy my usual largeissimo mocha-chai-frappe-can’t-believe-it’s-not-yak-sebum flat beige, in my opinion much more in keeping with what us wealthy ‘Stedders should pay. There’s a sense of occasion that simply wasn’t there previously.
    Business will undoubtedly boom as the media flock to Wanstead to see independent shopkeepers indulging in hilarious antics – auctioning their children, shooting themselves in the face or throwing themselves like lemmings off Snaresbrook bridge!
    Who knows, the council might even generate some revenue with the £4.50 charge when they park their vans with the satellite thingies on top!
    Ps love the picture. It brings back fond memories of when I was a child and auntie Anne used to show me her tan-lines when Mum and Dad weren’t looking.


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