Percy Pig delay causing mental health strain on Wanstead Housewives

The news that Marks and Spencers’ arrival on Wanstead’s high street has been delayed has left many a resident in distress.  The delay of yet another ludicrously overpriced way to spend hubby’s hard earned cash on our high street is too much for some to take.

Felicity (37) was found by this author in The Current, cupping a macchiato (made with locally-sourced beans, naturally) and hiding her tears behind her Jaeger scarf.

“I’ve already spent several thousand on fudge-fed Ritz-reared pork at the butchers, and dropped three hundred on B&H-smoked salmon from the fishmongers – but I was relying on Simply Food to really accelerate the spending.”

Felicity continued:

“Richard’s due home from his brokerage in twenty minutes, and I promised we’d have enough Avios points to send the Au Pair to New York to keep him company on his business trip”

Across from Felicity’s table in The Current was Addison Road resident Bertie.   Bertie had been asked to leave the martial home for an hour while everyone calmed down, after he arrived back from the co-op with the wrong type of yoghurt to feed his hideously obese child, Saffie.


” ‘Yoghurt’ the text message said” explained Bertie.  “Obviously I’ve only myself to blame. But when confronted with all the brands my wife normally buys – Ella’s Kitchen, Yeo Valley, Innocent, – I got all panicky and just grabbed the My Little Pony ones.  I should have known about the E numbers”

If M&S can just hurry up and open shop, normal residents like Bertie can do his shop risk free.  Everyone knows 5 Reversy Percys count as one of a child’s five a day.

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